Tuesday, August 10, 2010

All work and no play....

... makes this girl just work even harder.  And while on vacation, no less!

You know, I don't think I should have to beg to get some cooperation from you people. Here I am, publishing week after week, and will anyone step up when I make a simple request? Apparently not.

Oh and by the way, it's Tuesday, so get on that scale. Only two weeks left, you lazy creatures.

But back to what I was saying. It wasn't a very complicated question, really. I had a sample swimsuit given to me by Baron Sascha Cohen, of Borat fame, after we spent a completely mad long weekend together in St. Tropez. This was shortly after he'd finished one of his recent films and he was giving away all those extra swim costumes to his closest friends. I was sure I could get someone to wear it. After all, green looks great on everybody, and who doesn't want to "wow" the other swimmers at the seashore every once in a while?

Back in Wheaton, after my French Riviera holiday, I asked everyone to just simply try it on. That's all I was asking. I asked Kevin, I asked Glenn; they both just laughed. Matt said "My wife would kill me." Lane, Henry, Mark? John B? No one at the club would even consider it. Honestly. I mean, it's a genuine French couture kind of bathing suit. All the rage in the south of France, take my word for it.

Off to the Michigan beaches. I asked Mr D to don the thing, but he politely declined. To his credit, he worked hard all week and earned some time off, plus he continually takes me back after every one of my little adventures, so I reluctantly gave him a pass. My sons, both in their twenties, flat out refused. I mean, what could be so bad about this suit? Jeepers!

But as the old saying goes, if you want something done right, do it yourself. So I have.

And I hope you're all ashamed of yourselves for being so uncooperative.

You'll be especially embarrassed when you see how easy it was to get this done. Watch and learn.

Step 1:  Choose beach. Recruit photographer from family members.

Step 2:  Check for other beach-goers/voyeurs, looking carefully in every direction. This is a private photo shoot after all.

Step 3:  Practice fancy model poses.

Step 4:  Change into Borat suit.

Step 5:  Begin photo shoot.

Step 6:  Quickly cover up when screamers show up at the top of a nearby dune.

Step 7:  After scaring away unwanted visitors with a full frontal view ("Whatchu lookin' at, g'wan! Git outta here!"), go all arty with a pose reminiscent of the best of Andrew Wyeth.

See the similarities? High horizon line. Woman's face obscured. Background of tall grasses. Strong horizontal orientation. Mysterious sense of longing as woman looks off into the distance.

You too could draw these sorts of parallels if you had an art history degree like I do. Thank goodness I'm so willing to share my expertise with you.

See you next week. I should be back pretty soon, providing Illinois doesn't set up those pesky roadblocks again to keep me out.

Ta ta for now!



  1. I don't think an art degree is necessary to see the similarities to an Andrew Wyeth.

  2. Thank you, Sue! At last, I'm appreciated and understood.

  3. Wow, you are right, who doesn't look great in green!

  4. Definitely! It would suit you too, Ann, and I bet you even have hair accessories to match!